It starts with us to help others, to love and give, to have that beautiful, always calm, real good compassion. However, in order to have pure compassion for others you must have compassion for yourself. It is simple to get caught up in the messy memory web realization entanglement of ‘should’. I should have worked out this morning. I shouldn’t have said that. I should be more outgoing. So we become enraptured with the past and future and forget about the now. Now is the best moment of your life because it is happening right now.

It wasn’t until my freshman year at college that I was truly able to befriend myself. During the first few weeks of school my roommate would return to our room drunk and crying about a boy in a tracksuit from the first floor that was breaking her heart. Seeing her hurt, hurt me so, I focused all of my energy on being there for her. I convinced myself that I should stay up until 4 a.m. telling her that she was pretty, talented and a good person. I meant all of these things, but the mornings would wake us up after a few hours of sleep and I was mentally drained. Unable to pay attention in class, my dedication to schoolwork weakened.

As the weeks progressed her outbreaks intensified and we no longer had equal conversations as our time together revolved around her problems. I wanted to help her. I thought, “I am a good person I should help her,” but in that process I forgot about myself. I was her friend, but not my own as I would tell her precisely what she wanted to hear instead of being honest. I could not truly be a good friend because I was not being honest with myself. I needed to be my friend first. I had stop being upfront with myself, disregarding necessary things like time alone, or being kind to myself. I decided to give myself time to meditate, read, do yoga and simple actions to let my energy balance out so that when she would come to me, I could be level-headed and not feel as if I had sacrificed so much of myself.

Having compassion for yourself is being able to step back from the situation and look at how you are reacting. Are you getting irritated with those around you because of their actions or is it because you have not gotten a full night sleep in days? Do you find yourself jealous of someone’s fortune because you think you deserve it or because you have not provided yourself with time to cultivate that talent?

If you want to do good, feel good, be good you must remember that you are good.

Don’t forget to love yourself first. The moments where we love ourselves pierce through the sadness and when you truly sparkle every one else can feel the light.

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